The Aches, the Head Pounding, and the Cold That Makes Me Cry

 

There are days cancer knocks you flat.

Not the dramatic days — not the scans, the appointments, the results — but the quiet days where your body turns against you for no clear reason.

 

Today is one of those days.

 

My whole body aches in ways I can’t even fully describe. It’s not just pain — it’s heaviness. Like my bones are filled with wet sand and even breathing feels like work.

 

My head is pounding so hard it feels like it has its own pulse.

Every heartbeat is another thud behind my eyes, and it’s exhausting just holding my head up. You don’t realise how heavy your own skull is until pain makes you notice.

 

And the cold…

God, the cold.

 

It’s a cold that gets inside you.

A cold that no blanket touches.

A cold that feels like it’s sitting under your skin, crawling into your spine, spreading through every nerve.

 

I could sit wrapped in three blankets, a hoodie, fluffy socks, and it still wouldn’t matter — the cold keeps creeping back. It makes me curl into myself. It makes me shake. It makes me feel small.

 

And when all of that hits at once — the aches, the pounding head, the freezing, the exhaustion — something cracks inside.

 

So I cry.

 

Not the dramatic, film-style cry.

The quiet, hopeless sort of crying where tears just fall because your body is overwhelmed and your mind is done pretending you're okay.

 

There’s a loneliness in this kind of pain.

You can be in a room with people and still feel completely alone because no one can feel what’s happening inside your body. No one can take the pain away. No one can magic the cold out of your bones.

 

It’s the kind of pain that makes you feel fragile, even though surviving it makes you stronger than anyone will ever realise.

 

But here’s the truth: crying doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you human.

It means your body has had enough.

It means you’re overwhelmed — and with everything you’re going through, how could you not be?

 

Tomorrow might be easier.

Tomorrow might be warmer.

Tomorrow might hurt less.

 

But today?

Today hurts.

Today is cold.

Today is heavy.

Today is one of the days where the pain wins for a little while.

 

And that’s okay.

Even on the days you’re crying, you’re still fighting.

Even on the days your body aches and your head pounds, you’re surviving.

 

You don’t have to be strong every minute.

Pain doesn’t get to define who you are — it just shows what you’re carrying.

 

And you’re carrying more than most people will ever understand.